LIFE

Are you cooped up in a small uterus?

Are you tired of levitating in the same position for months at a time?

Do you sometimes have to wait for mother to hunger so you can eat?

Then maybe you should try the ground-stomping product that is LIFE!

LIFE gives you the free will to stretch your bones and move about freely -

And, get this, you can eat when you're hungry, just cry for it!

Don't just take my word for it, look at the statistics!

99.9 percent of people would recommend this astonishing product 100 percent!

As you can see, the people love it!

And who could blame them?

If that doesn't convince you, test it out yourself

With our thirteen year warranty - you won't regret it!

Side effects may include:

Discrimination of sexes, races, religion, opinion, strength and sexual orientation.

Cutting, bruises, aches and pains may began to occur in the teen stages.

Contact a professional if you're having frequent thoughts of suicide or mass murders.

If you are experiencing any severe disorder that could lead to [potential] insanity, don't worry - they will find you.

So the next time you're feeling a bit cramped,

Give LIFE a try - you might just like it.

LIFE is not responsible for false aspirations

Let's be honest, you might not make it.